The 2010s were the decade that gave us bacon-flavored everything, from cologne to lube to envelope glue and beyond. Somehow it took until 2020, though, (February 26, to be precise) for a major brand to offer a product that’s just a sack of bacon. No buns. No dipping sauces. Just bacon. Because it’s keto!
The good folks at Dunkin’ have “been working hard to formulate the perfect afternoon pick-me-up,” they tell us in a press release, and all that hard work resulted in “Snackin’ Bacon.” How many meetings, focus groups, emails, conference calls, consultants, and “circling back” emails, not to mention hundreds of thousands (maybe millions!) of dollars did it take to come up with the idea to cut four slices of bacon in half, coat them with “a savory blend of brown sugar and black pepper seasoning,” and stick them in a bag? I don’t know, nor do I care to know as I’ll probably end up crying over it. Normally I’d kill my despair by eating a sack full of bacon, but now bacon depresses me so I’m just going to have to settle for licking bacon lube off my bare hands, which just isn’t the same.