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Police seek “Donut Desperado” wanted for dance-stealing single doughnut

Illustration for article titled Police seek “Donut Desperado” wanted for dance-stealing single doughnut
Screenshot: CBS Philly (YouTube)

“Donut Desperado” has stolen more than a doughnut. He’s stolen my heart. I know, I shouldn’t write in praise of a thief who pilfers the hard work of New Jersey’s fair pastry purveyors, but the heart wants what it wants.

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The Donut Desperado was so named by the New Brunswick Police Department, which seeks help in identifying the criminal who not only stole a single doughnut from a Dunkin’, but did so while dancing and live-streaming the event. This is apparently the second such strike from the Donut Desperado, the Pastry Purloiner, the Glazed Grifter.

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There’s something like performance art happening, as the Desperado gingerly hops behind the counter while dancing, grabs a doughnut, takes what appears to be a beverage, and walks out in plain view of a Dunkin’ employee and a table of customers. Admittedly, I wouldn’t know how to react if I was that Dunkin’ worker, either. At first, she seems baffled by the dancing/live-streaming, but then she hurries out of camera range, presumably to call the police.

I cannot condone this type of crime, nor can I deny that this guy has a certain swagger going for him. Come and get my love, Doughnut Desperado.

Kate Bernot is a freelance writer and a certified beer judge. She was previously managing editor at The Takeout.

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DISCUSSION

I know Dunkin no longer provides a visual prompt for how correctly to spell donut, but if the South Brunswick PD can spell the word correctly, you can too, Kate.

(this is a hill I will fight the Battle of Verdun on.)