Screenshot: CBS Philly (YouTube)

“Donut Desperado” has stolen more than a doughnut. He’s stolen my heart. I know, I shouldn’t write in praise of a thief who pilfers the hard work of New Jersey’s fair pastry purveyors, but the heart wants what it wants.

The Donut Desperado was so named by the New Brunswick Police Department, which seeks help in identifying the criminal who not only stole a single doughnut from a Dunkin’, but did so while dancing and live-streaming the event. This is apparently the second such strike from the Donut Desperado, the Pastry Purloiner, the Glazed Grifter.

There’s something like performance art happening, as the Desperado gingerly hops behind the counter while dancing, grabs a doughnut, takes what appears to be a beverage, and walks out in plain view of a Dunkin’ employee and a table of customers. Admittedly, I wouldn’t know how to react if I was that Dunkin’ worker, either. At first, she seems baffled by the dancing/live-streaming, but then she hurries out of camera range, presumably to call the police.

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I cannot condone this type of crime, nor can I deny that this guy has a certain swagger going for him. Come and get my love, Doughnut Desperado.