Police seek “Donut Desperado” wanted for dance-stealing single doughnut

Illustration for article titled Police seek “Donut Desperado” wanted for dance-stealing single doughnut
Screenshot: CBS Philly (YouTube)

“Donut Desperado” has stolen more than a doughnut. He’s stolen my heart. I know, I shouldn’t write in praise of a thief who pilfers the hard work of New Jersey’s fair pastry purveyors, but the heart wants what it wants.


The Donut Desperado was so named by the New Brunswick Police Department, which seeks help in identifying the criminal who not only stole a single doughnut from a Dunkin’, but did so while dancing and live-streaming the event. This is apparently the second such strike from the Donut Desperado, the Pastry Purloiner, the Glazed Grifter.

There’s something like performance art happening, as the Desperado gingerly hops behind the counter while dancing, grabs a doughnut, takes what appears to be a beverage, and walks out in plain view of a Dunkin’ employee and a table of customers. Admittedly, I wouldn’t know how to react if I was that Dunkin’ worker, either. At first, she seems baffled by the dancing/live-streaming, but then she hurries out of camera range, presumably to call the police.

I cannot condone this type of crime, nor can I deny that this guy has a certain swagger going for him. Come and get my love, Doughnut Desperado.

Kate Bernot is a freelance writer and a certified beer judge. She was previously managing editor at The Takeout.


I know Dunkin no longer provides a visual prompt for how correctly to spell donut, but if the South Brunswick PD can spell the word correctly, you can too, Kate.

(this is a hill I will fight the Battle of Verdun on.)