Photo: Kevin Pang

The headlines are alluring: “In-N-Out Burger Adds First New Menu Item in 15 Years,” QSR teased this morning. Damn right I clicked it, hoping to find a new burger, some crazy-ass fry topping, or I don’t know, at least a tasty milkshake.

But no, I squandered those .04 seconds of my life. The new menu item is fucking hot chocolate. Ugh. I am too emotionally fragile for this type of disappointment.

So as a public service and to save you all from a similar fate, I just told you the hot chocolate bit right up there in the headline. Wait, you’re still reading this? All the way down here? After I told you what the thing is already?