All Hail Dirtbag Nachos, The Official Lunch Of Feral Girl Summer

Look outside. What do you see? If you see hordes of barefoot, wild-eyed women forming a wall of unshaven bodies like that scene from World War Z, don't be alarmed. It's just Feral Girl Summer, a term TikTokers are using to describe a summer of chaotic, carefree, hedonistic behavior. Of course, even feral girls have to eat—which is where Dirtbag Nachos come in.

Let's back up. Feral Girl Summer originated as a viral TikTok meme, inspired by the pent-up, party-hardy rage that's had the general population a-boilin' throughout the pandemic. Now, Feral Girl Summer surpassed viral video territory. At this point, it isn't just a meme—it's a full aesthetic, one that Rolling Stone describes as "living your best life without giving an iota of thought to the notion of propriety or self-care."

I haven't had the stamina for a full Feral Girl Summer since 2013, when I donned a giant foam cowboy hat, gathered an arsenal of wet toilet paper and Silly String, and enacted a Hamm's-fueled reign of terror on my college campus. But that doesn't mean I can't play along with the trend—at least, in the culinary realm. Enter Dirtbag Nachos.

Since time immemorial, Dirtbag Nachos have been a primary source of nutrition for lazy dads, college students and, yes, feral girls. There's nothing new about this objectively pathetic dish, which involves some combination of semi-stale tortilla chips, cheap shredded cheese, and a protein source. But yesterday, I was reminded of the splendor of Dirtbag Nachos, previously forgotten since my college days.

I didn't wake up planning to make Dirtbag Nachos for lunch. I assumed I'd opt for my usual—some kind of egg situation, maybe a protein waffle. But when it came time to make something, I couldn't bring myself to exert any effort whatsoever. It was too damn hot to stand over the stove or turn on the oven. The idea of handling a knife filled me with dread. Then I eyed the stray bag of Tostitos sitting next to my microwave. Then I realized I had a can of refried beans that had been in my pantry since the beginning of the pandemic. And then I peeked inside my fridge and found an unopened bag of shredded Mexican-blend cheese from last week's grocery run.

A slow grin spread across my face. 'Twas the hour for Dirtbag Nachos.

I dumped the chips in a ceramic bowl, topped them with the refried beans, and topped the beans with a generous handful of shredded cheese. I threw the bowl in the microwave until the cheese melted, then topped the whole thing with some halved cherry tomatoes. I did all of this while looking like absolute steaming dog shit. My hair was disgracefully greasy, and I wore a stained T-shirt featuring a nude woman on a motorcycle. "Haul Ass," the T-shirt read. Haul ass, indeed.

Was my lunch perfect? No. In fact, it was barely recognizable as human-grade food. But it was delicious. Now, I'm looking forward to a summer full of Dirtbag Nacho variations. Maybe I'll mess around with some black beans. Maybe I'll throw some corn into the mix, or some hot sauce. Maybe I'll wear this Haul Ass T-shirt every day until the medical examiner has to cut it off of my corpse.

Friends, join me. This summer, let's give into our baser instincts. Let's throw caution to the wind and eat a bunch of hot, cheesy chips. It's the Feral Way.