Giant red spoon stolen from a Phoenix Dairy Queen, police say

To encourage the thieves to return it, the Kalras are posting flyers at Dairy Queens around the metro Phoenix area. Additionally, the staff at the burgled DQ location will wear “Where’s my spoon?” T-shirts, emblazoned with the red spoon and Dairy Queen logo. The spoon returner(s), should they ever materialize, will be compensated with one Blizzard of every flavor from the summer menu.


So, who would steal the spoon, and why?

I used to work at a novelty store, and based on my deep, deep well of experience, one giant red spoon might be necessary if:


Here’s my real theory: In college, my best friend and I were roaming around at night and found a wooden cutout of this terrifying cartoon troll (?) figure out on the street. We took it home because we thought it would be funny to have it in our apartment. It turned out that a local artist with a passionate (and now angry) fan community made these troll things and left them around town as a fun surprise for people to admire, and that we were art thieves. We didn’t return it because we were embarrassed, and also, the fervor of these fans was kind of scary. (Also, no offense, but you want to SURPRISE unsuspecting civilians with a SCARY, HAUNTING, DEAD-EYED wooden figure? Just paint Elmo or something!)

Maybe the spoon thieves thought that stealing the DQ spoon would be a fun way to decorate their apartment (I think they’re roommates). It’s so important to furnish your home with a statement piece as a conversation starter at parties, even if your actions have torn a community apart. May the spoon someday be returned to its original home.