Crock-Pot not really going to kill you, says Crock-Pot manufacturer

Photo: Matt McClain/The Washington Post via Getty Images
Photo: Matt McClain/The Washington Post via Getty Images

We’re not sure what the writers of This Is Us have against Crock-Pots, but the appliance has really taken a dive after this week’s episode, in which a faulty slow-cooker starts a fire that could possibly cause the demise of the show’s beloved patriarch, Jack Pearson. Newell Brands, owner of the Crock-Pot brand, is having a terrible week overall: “On a day when a grim forecast and strategy shift sent its stock plunging more than 20 percent, Newell also dealt Thursday with a PR nightmare sparked by the latest episode of This Is Us,” says the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

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The frightening fictional TV accident has spurred a nationwide discussion about Crock-Pots not seen since the glory days of 1970s sloppy joes and pot roasts. As hashtags like #CrockPotIsInnocent flood various Twitter feeds, the Crock-Pot brand has created a new account: @CrockPotCares, in which some compassionate person on the social media team alleviates fears individually, urging DM questions from the still-concerned. Typical posts:

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We’re pulling for you, Crock-Pot. After all, an Insurance Quotes post that draws stats from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission lists the seven deadliest appliances as gas and electric stoves, clothes dryers, microwave ovens, refrigerators, toasters and toaster ovens, dishwashers, and washing machines. The Crock-Pot isn’t even on the list! Besides, we love sloppy joes.

Gwen Ihnat is the Editorial Coordinator for The A.V. Club.

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DISCUSSION

kaiserkhan
Kaiser Khan

Plausible ways a Crock Pot could result in a human death:

1. If someone forgot to secure the Crock Pot in the car that one time we drove to Peggy’s house for the Super Bowl party and hot cheese dip spilled all over the back seat. It melted the vinyl! Someone with less restraint could have murdered someone over that.
2. In SAW Part XII, someone has to untie their ropes before the crock pot that’s been placed on their head and set to high heats up.
3. What if somebody carelessly stores oily rags in a Crock Pot in their garage, and then even more carelessly turns it on one day because they meant to plug in their hot glue gun but got the cords mixed up.
4. How about if someone’s cat nudges their Crock Pot off the top shelf, striking them in the head in such a way that stumble and fall through a ninth-story window. The cat was startled at commotion of the glass breaking, but now seems rather apathetic about the whole thing.
5. The agony of trying to choose which Crock Pot to buy at Kohl’s becomes unbearable, so Kevin decides to commit suicide by zipping himself into a nearby over-sized American Tourister suitcase where he waits for the oxygen to run out.
6. That one guy in Philly who filled his Crock Pot with gasoline and plugged it in on high. He thought it might help get his car started during that harsh winter a few years back.