Photo: Justin Sullivan (Getty Images)

Haha, this cowpoke New Jersey couple has marked every anniversary of their 50 years in holy matrimony at a Burger King—what’s wrong with these people, right? They must have great [air quotes, smirk] taste in food, amiright?! Hello?

No.

Don’t even.

This is a nice story. About a seemingly nice couple. Who are in love. The world is pure unfiltered horse feces and this is a bit of happy Purell for the soul. And so you will not snark on them. You will only shower them with congratulations and well wishes because they’ve been married for 50 years, which according to our analytics, is longer than 91.3 percent of you have been alive.

Here’s the story according to The Today Show: Lloyd and Sandi Howard got married in 1968. On their first anniversary, they were running late to attend a show in Manhattan, so they stopped by the Burger King instead. And it became a yearly tradition, all the way to this year, their 50th, and the Howards were greeted with gold balloons and a surprise visit from their children and grandchildren.

Let me tell you a brief story. On the Valentine’s Day the year after my wife and I married, we were struggling to find a dinner reservation. Work was busy for us both and Valentine’s Day planning slipped through the cracks. And then we said fuck it. It’s not about how much coin we could drop on a prix-fixe dinner, it’s about the pleasure of each other’s company. We bought an 8-piece Original Recipe bucket from KFC, a bottle of Veuve Clicquot, and we ate fried chicken and drank champagne and watched Best in Show for the 10th time and laughed our asses off.

The Takeout wishes the happiest of anniversaries to the Howards.

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