Thieves raid pizzeria jukebox, make off with a whopping $17

Illustration for article titled Thieves raid pizzeria jukebox, make off with a whopping $17
Photo: MediaNews Group/Torrance Daily Breeze via Getty Images / Contributor (Getty Images)

Everyone likes a bumbling heist story, right? I like when people do ridiculous things and then get caught, like the time a pantsless dude fell through the ceiling of a Waffle House in Alabama. He was ID’d when someone discovered his pants in the bathroom containing his wallet and driver’s license. This is a true testament to genius. Then there was that pair who held up a Sheetz convenience store in Virginia while wearing carved-out watermelons on their heads.

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Today’s news is from Cleveland, Ohio, where two men broke into Dina’s Pizza and Bar at 5 a.m. Instead of raiding the till, they hit the jukebox—since jukeboxes are known for containing huge sums of money—and collected $17, which probably wouldn’t even put a dent into their lawyer fees if they eventually get caught. 19News in Cleveland has the story.

One of the men acted as lookout while the other probably used his sophisticated hacking skills to get into the jukebox. This is like the latest installment of the Ocean’s Eleven franchise, except way more incompetent. A police statement on Facebook says, “The suspects can be seen driving a red GMC Sonoma pick-up truck with scrap in the back. The vehicle can be further described as not having a front plate, with a sticker or writing in the rear window, and the rear license plate appears to be hanging or falling off.”

I feel like that is an appropriate getaway car for a heist of $17. It’s one thing if you roll up with, say, a Lamborghini, because you know it’s serious, but a truck with the license plate falling off? That’s how you roll for a big-time robbery like this. The two are believed to be possibly involved with other incidents in the area (which were unspecified in the Facebook post), but there’s no news about whether they got away with more than $17 total during their spree.

Staff writer at The Takeout. Also: Saveur Humor Blog Award Winner, professional pizza maker, and insufferable troublemaker.

DISCUSSION

diabolik7
Diabolik

The guy in Alabama reminds me of my favourite bank-robbing idiot, where a fella passed a note to the teller demanding money, claiming he had a gun, got some cash and made his escape. The cops were waiting on his doorstep when he got home since the dozy bugger wrote his note on the back of one of his own personal checks. Magnificent.