One of my fears is losing my teeth. I dream about it frequently. I’m so afraid I’m going to hear some bad news from the dentist, I floss daily (yes, I’m one of those people), and I avoid things like Milk Duds and hard candies that I’m afraid will pull my teeth out while I’m chewing them. I’m fine. Everything is fine. It is, right?
So when I read that Chrissy Teigen lost part of her tooth in a Fruit Roll-Up at the inauguration, I immediately rolled around on the floor, hugging myself, until our cat Nugget walked up to me, sniffed me, and walked off. CNN has the original story.
Teigen’s husband, John Legend, was performing at the inaugural celebration, and she was there to support him. Later that night, she was snacking on a Fruit Roll-Up, and the fruit leather yanked that sucker off. Dear God. (Which is another reason for me to avoid Fruit Roll-Ups, even though I used to like the ones that changed the color of my tongue, because I’m an overgrown specimen of a child.)
In a subsequent tweet, Teigen clarified that that it wasn’t a tooth, but a cap. “:( but i loved him like he was a real tooth.”
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It capped off (geddit?) a big day for Teigen: earlier, she found out that after four years of being blocked from the @POTUS twitter account by former President Trump (haha), she was not only unblocked by @POTUS, but followed by it. The idea that the President of the United States follows someone who’s constantly talking shit on social media is cracking me up.
For those of you who are rolling your eyes about Twitter, I still use it to fuck around (big time, I live for Internet shenanigans, but I write terrible jokes), and yes, humblebrag, Teigen also follows me there too. For the record, we’ve only interacted once and over a discussion about food. But listen, I’ll take my digital wins where I can get them. And I’m still shuddering over the loss of her dental cap.