Bonus Round: After spying a warning on the back of the Chocovine cautioning us, “Do not mix with acidic drinks!,” it was clear what we had to do. Alas, Chang’s iron stomach was busy tackling hot dogs and beer at a Cubs game, which means the task fell to ever-game Ad Ops Guy Bret and Web Guru Jesse. Anyone who’s ever had a Cement Mixer shot (Bailey’s and lime juice) should have a pretty good idea of what went down.


Office Reactions:



• “Based on smell alone, I can tell this is going to be boozy.”

• “Holy shit, that’s the strongest wine I’ve ever had.”

• “I don’t think that’s wine at all.”

• “By ‘wine’ do they mean ‘vodka’?”

• “It must be really shitty wine if it smells like a White Russian.”

• “I can’t drink this anymore. And I’ll drink anything.”

• “The juxtaposition of chocolate and burning is really weird.”

• “Chocovine smells EXACTLY like Dunkin Donuts chocolate doughnuts. Same sort of vaguely burnt cocoa plus a ton of caramelized sugar.”


• “It tastes about like Kahlua to me. Which is never a bad thing. But it’s as thick as milk. I’m ready to try this on some cereal.”

• “It’s got a pretty fair kick.”

• “I’m mostly disappointed that it’s not chocolate milk. Also: I hate it.”

• “If they got that kid from YouTube to sing the ‘Chocolate Wine’ theme song, this stuff could be a big hit. (In advertising. Duh.)”


• “This is a huge time-saver. It can make you fat, drunk, and stupid all at the same time.”

• “Mostly, I don’t taste red wine in it at all. It’s kind of bargain-basement liqueur, but I don’t think it’s too bad.”


• “Tasted like knock-off Bailey’s. I feel like it could be a nice mixer in some kind of Christmas drink.”

• “The oenophile in me has got the vapors over this cheap wine defilement. Yet the 7 Eleven-frequenting slob in me is kicking the hell out of the oenophile right now. Finally, a tasty swill that will go with cheese pairings.”


• “Who hasn’t thought about combining Yoo-hoo and grain alcohol? I guess it takes a marketing genius to bottle and sell this crap.”

• “Compared to Kahlua, Godiva Liqueur, or Frango Mint Liqueur, this is very pedestrian. Think Swiss Miss, water, and cheap vodka.”


• “Heed the label’s warning about mixing with acidic liquids. Looks like something that came out of my butt.”

Strawberry Milkshake Crème Oreos

• “They taste like Crunch Berries.”

• “No, they taste like strawberry Runts.”

• “They don’t taste like strawberry, just generic fruit flavor.”

• “They’re really creamy.”

• “Because they’re fruit, is there more nutritional value in these?”

• “The filling is softer. It’s like Double Stuf by default.”

• “Decent, but nothing like an original Oreo.”

• “The aftertaste of the strawberry filling is still in my mouth. It was fine to eat but it tasted like Strawberry Nesquik. I didn’t like it as a kid and I certainly don’t like the similar aftertaste now.”


• “Strawberry milkshakes are served cold, preferably with straw-clogging hunks of fruit still in them. These Oreos, by contrast, are room temperature and clearly a sickly sweet, Dr. Moreau abomination that must be stopped.”

• “Finally, a sophisticated Oreo cookie. Reminds me of chocolate cake with strawberry frosting.”


• “The only negative things about this is the strawberry creme filling tastes a little artificial eaten alone, plus it’s a little fluffy for Oreos. However, with the cookie it’s very good.”

• “Watch me skip dinner and eat a box of these in bed. Oh, Nabisco, you know me too well.”


Where to get it: We found the Chocovine at the market/grocery/take-out place that we go for lunch nearly every day. (Stalk The A.V. Club!) Here’s a website that sells it: The Oreos seem to have made their way to big grocery stores everywhere; we found them at Dominick’s.