Quarter Pounder candles are coming to beef up your boudoir

Illustration for article titled Quarter Pounder candles are coming to beef up your boudoir
Photo: McDonald’s

Move over, Goop—McDonald’s is jumping in the Making Your Home Smell Like Something It Probably Shouldn’t game! In a press release, the burger chain announced it’ll soon sell Quarter Pounder–scented candles. It’s a set of six candles, each representing a QP ingredient: 100% Fresh Beef, Ketchup, Pickle, Cheese, Onion, and Sesame Seed Bun. So, to get the full burger smell literally no one craves, you’ll have to burn them all at once. Or, if you’re like me and are fully repulsed by the sheer notion of ketchup touching meat, you can just burn five of the six.

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Illustration for article titled Quarter Pounder candles are coming to beef up your boudoir
Photo: McDonald’s

Now, you can’t just order the fast food flambeaux through a drive-thru window. They’ll soon (it hasn’t been specified when) be for sale on Golden Arches Unlimited, the burger giant’s online merch shop. The QP candles are part of a sub-shop called the Quarter Pounder Fan Club, a line of—you guessed it—Quarter Pounder–centric accessories and apparel. That includes a 2020 Quarter Pounder calendar (sorry, sexy firefighters), a locket with a photo of a Quarter Pounder in it (currently sold out), and bumper stickers reading, “I’d Rather Be Eating A Quarter Pounder With Cheese.” McDonald’s is also unveiling a giant bronze statue of the menu item in a to-be-revealed Quarter Pounder–loving city on February 26. Okay, sure!

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So treat yourself, burgerheads. Draw a bath, pick out a good book, light exactly six candles of disparate and (hopefully) complementary scents, and float off into the sensual embrace of, as the French would say, a Royale with cheese.

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DISCUSSION

boggardlurch
Lurch of the SoCal

I’ll have to remember these for the next time I really don’t want sex.