Here’s a revelation: You know all that heart-shaped candy that covered grocery store shelves four days ago? It didn’t just disappear, and it certainly didn’t sell out. It’s still there, waiting for you—and it’s half off. That’s why today, as The Takeout’s Chicago office descends into yet another wintry haze, I’d like to suggest that you stop what you’re doing, hightail it to your nearest Walgreens, CVS, Target, or other all-purpose retailer, and treat yourself to a 24-count box of truffles in an ostentatious heart-shaped box. The bigger, the better.
I do want to note that you should take my recommendation with a grain of novelty sea salt, as I am a notorious proponent of Treat Yourself doctrine. Rainy day? Treat yourself. Narrowly avoided a fender bender? Treat yourself. Stubbed your toe six weeks ago? Treat yourself, then treat yourself again. Life is short and full of anguish, but treats make it worth it. Especially steeply discounted treats.
Behold, all of the reasons that you, reader, deserve to buy cheap Valentine’s Day candy three days after the holiday:
1. It’s cheap! Hello! You’re basically losing money if you’re not spending it on clearance chocolate assortments.
2. It’s delicious. You deserve a tantalizing sensory experience.
3. You can remove the candy from its seasonal packaging and repurpose it however you like. Takeout managing editor Marnie Shure recently scored some fancy heart-shaped Ghirardelli chocolates for half off and incorporated them into a baby shower gift. Hell, a lot of this chocolate isn’t even heart-shaped—it just comes in heart-shaped packaging. Take it out of the box and throw it in your kid’s Easter basket. They’ll be none the wiser, and you’ll avoid price hikes on Easter candy that is, essentially, the exact same product.
Ultimately, discounted Valentine’s Day candy is a great way to show yourself some love—regardless of how you spent the holiday itself.