The first rule of marketing is to never, ever, ever ask the people of the internet for their help with anything. The internet is a cesspool of deranged individuals (such as myself) who cannot resist the chance to turn a multi-billion-dollar brand’s fun promotion into an unmitigated shitshow. I really hope that’s what the Bud Light marketing team was hoping for with its new “Chief Meme Officer” stunt, because that’s what it’s about to get.
In a press release, vice president of marketing Andy Goeler—a man who might be in for the worst month of his entire life—announced that the brand will be searching for its first-ever “CMO” to create the dankest memes for Bud Light Seltzer. As kids today are all about the memes, the company has been “designing authentic seltzer memes, just as they’ve already perfected their five-times filtered hard seltzer.” However, there’s only so much meme authenticity a single marketing department can muster, especially without an executive meme lord to oversee production.
“Knowing that a hard seltzer is only as good as its memes the brand wants to bring their [creativity] to the next level, so they are in search of some fresh thinking,” said the release. “Starting today, the brand will recruit the best memers out there to join the brand’s marketing team for the next three months to help curate epic Bud Light Seltzer memes.”
If your brain is already spinning with ideas, you can apply for the position by visiting BudLightSeltzerNeedsMemes.com through September 18. The person who does the best job of taking any of this seriously will be responsible for creating ten viral memes and will be paid $5,000 per month for three months of what is certain to be very hard work. If you choose to enter, feel free to leave your magnificent creations in the comments. We’d love to see them. We think.