Badass little girl in Britain requests birthday cake depicting Anne Boleyn's execution

Looks like we've got two brand new candidates for “Parents of the Year”

Illustration for article titled Badass little girl in Britain requests birthday cake depicting Anne Boleyn's execution
Image: Anonymous/Wikimedia Commons (Fair Use)

Some little girls love the princesses and queens of fairy tales, with rosy cheeks, sparkly tiaras and long, flowing hair. And some girls prefer their princesses and queens to grounded in reality, with those rosy cheeks, sparkly tiaras and long, flowing hair sitting in a pool of ruby red blood. This six-year-old British girl is the latter:

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Now I know what you’re thinking, fellow parents: what do you need to do to raise a child this freakin’ awesome? Her father, Edmund Kingsley, told Buzzfeed News that his daughter’s eyes were opened to the magical world of historic executions during a family excursion to one of Henry VIII’s palaces.

“They had an ice skating rink at Hampton Court,” said Kingsley. That was like our big Christmas treat. We took the children ice skating there.”

Kingsley added that his daughter has a love of stories, and her mother, Anna Morrissey, a theater and movement director with a background in historical studies, is exceptionally great at telling them. Their daughter was captivated by stories of the notoriously brutal Tudor king, particularly the tragic fate of his second wife, Anne Boleyn, who was executed by beheading for “treason” in 1536.

“She just got really into the story of his big, fat, horrible king who had six wives,” Kingsley said.

Ahead of her sixth birthday, Kingsley and Morrissey asked the most badass little girl in Britain what kind of cake she wanted to celebrate the big day, to which she responded “[M]y friend is getting unicorns, but I think what I’d really like is Henry VIII executing Anne Boleyn with Elizabeth I watching” [emphasis mine]. For those of you who are not particularly versed in British history, Elizabeth I was Anne Boleyn’s daughter, and at the time of her mother’s execution, she was two-and-a-half years old. I cannot find any hard confirmation that Elizabeth was made to watch her mom’s head get lopped off with an axe, so specifically requesting this detail is colder than Henry VIII’s icy heart.

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It took three days for Kingsley and Morrissey to sculpt the fondant cake of their daughter’s dreams, and as you can see from the photo above they did a bloody good job, though they perhaps wisely refrained from depicting any actual blood. That’s more the sort of thing you put on an eight year old’s cake, and it’s important not to let your children grow up too fast.

Allison Robicelli is a JBFA-nominated food & humor writer, former professional chef, author of four (quite good) books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Need cooking advice? Tweet me @Robicellis.

DISCUSSION

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simon-on-the-river3

I got a Stingray cake for my birthday.

The girl’s birthday comes a couple of days before the 488th anniversary of Anne being crowned Queen of England.

Do you suppose she asked for all the champers behind the cake as well?

Did you catch the Macbeth cake?