Bologna sandwich fight ends in third-degree assault charges

Illustration for article titled Bologna sandwich fight ends in third-degree assault charges
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Sometimes, a situation escalates far too quickly, with only the slightest provocation. In these cases, that provocation can be as simple as a dispute over three slices of bologna.


Such was the case with a Connecticut man driven to violence over said luncheon meat, and eventually arrested earlier this week after police were called in response to his attack on a male relative. The Middletown Press reports that the 35-year-old man reportedly grew enraged after a female family member admonished him for not sharing the remaining few slices of bologna while fixing himself a sandwich. Tensions escalated until another relative stepped in to diffuse the situation, at which point the man allegedly “... began to choke and beat him, punching him in the face repeatedly, reports said. Police said the victim had visible scratches and abrasions on his face, back, chest and elbow from the assault.”

Once police arrived, the man “... told officers about the sandwich and admitted there was a verbal argument over the bologna, but didn’t say it became physical unless confronted with the victims’ stories.” He was then arrested on charges of third-degree assault, third-degree strangulation, threatening, and disorderly conduct. Every so often, the Takeout news team comes across an item in which somebody takes the concept of a food fight way too far, and as always, we’d like to remind everybody not to attack other human beings for virtually any reason, let alone over three slices of salty processed meat.

Bologna, for its part, declined to comment as of this article’s publication, presumably wishing to not be implicated in this sort of ugliness.



So back in the 90's Ilived in Madison WI and worked for Oscar Mayer. Back then the Badger football team was always horrible so you really didnt go to watch the games. In the student section people brought in bags of large marshmallows and would just throw them at each other. I decided to up the weaponry for a game against Ohio State and I brought in 10 pounds of cheap bologna ($5.00 in the employee store, such a deal!) The great thing about bologna is that it flew like a frisbee and you could bet some real distance if thrown right. It was a good time for me and my drunk, bologna throwing buddies. The cherry on top was watching the highlights of the game and see a Ohio State player on the sidelines with a piece on their helmet.

Moral of the story, fight with bologna, not over it.