Asshole dog steals slice of pepperoni pizza from squirrel

Illustration for article titled Asshole dog steals slice of pepperoni pizza from squirrel
Screenshot: Jenn Hartmann (Facebook)

See that little go-getter? It looks like it’s in for the feast of a lifetime, but alas, this was not to be.


KUSA of Denver reports that Jenn Hartmann was out getting coffee in Longmont, Colorado, when she saw a squirrel determinedly lugging a slice of pepperoni pizza toward a tree and, naturally, started filming. (Sidebar: is a pizza squirrel just a pizza rat with a cuter outfit?)

That squirrel has grit and determination! That squirrel is goal-oriented! That squirrel has a future in the movie business!

That squirrel also never got to enjoy its damn pizza, because moments after Hartmann put away her phone, a real asshole dog ran up and performed an act of kleptoparasitism.

Hartmann says a dog came up just after she finished filming and barked at Pizza Squirrel, who went running up the tree. Pizza Dog snagged the food for himself. The owner tried to grab the slice out of the dog’s mouth, according to Hartmann, but his efforts were futile.

“It was a tragedy,” Hartmann recounted to Next. “Pizza Dog did not eat the pizza elegantly — small pieces went flying left and right — so it’s very possible Pizza Squirrel still got a small meal.”

Scraps?! The squirrel deserved more than scraps. Justice for Pizza Squirrel.

Contributor, The A.V. Club and The Takeout. Allison loves TV, bourbon, and overanalyzing social interactions. Please buy her book, How TV Can Make You Smarter (Chronicle, 2020). It’s short!


Dr Emilio Lizardo

The squirrel is lucky the dog was content to eat just the pizza.