Do not let the pastel colors and endearing faces fool you. Peeps are bland marshmallows covered in plain sugar, and every bite is a disappointment. But every year, I forget about how much I dislike eating Peeps, so I’ll still try one if I see it, and then I’ll be reminded one about how much I can’t stand them. Then, by the next year, the vicious cycle will repeat itself. This is how I survive in the world: with childish eternal optimism that gives everything more of a chance than it should.


The next best use of Peeps, besides putting them in an art project, is to make them all big by microwaving them, then, as you’re laughing your ass off, rip open a bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs and eat those instead.