Photo: Francis Dean/Corbis (Getty Images)

If a billion monkeys typed on a billion typewriters for a billion years, I’m not sure they would come up with this sentence: Things are looking up for Applebee’s. In a just-released report of its second quarter earnings, Applebee’s sales increased 5.7 percent, which is the “highest quarterly domestic sales increase in over a decade,” according to the chain’s press release. 

So how has it made such a comeback? Essentially, by being tragically unhip. Comments made by Applebee’s president John Cywinski to Business Insider may be construed as either very sound business strategy, or, a sad commentary about what the youth of America demands. Here are a few select quotes:

“If you can’t pronounce a menu item, it’s not making its way to Applebee’s menu,” Cywkinsi said, pointing to foods like quinoa and pomegranate that wouldn’t make the cut. “Our guests love bacon and cheese.”

God bless the 25 year olds today who can’t pronounce pomegranate.

“Value is very important to the millennial crowd, alcohol is very important to the millennial crowd.”

Value. Alcohol. Value alcohol. Value alcohol millennial crowd. $1 Long Island Iced Teas. Where art thou, sweet hereafter?

“Slowly but surely, America is rediscovering its love for Applebee’s.”

When I was in my 20s and in the dating pool, I offhandedly told someone after our third date that I loved her. The lesson here is that “love” is a very strong word, and if not deployed properly, will backfire.

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She dumped me by text the next day.