After ditching “free trial” CDs and its AIM service, AOL proves it still knows how the internet works: AOL.com is trolling us all with this recipe for Watermelon Pizza, designed entirely—one would assume—to prompt pizza outrage and get food websites to write about it. Well, mission accomplished, America Online, you wily devil.
Taxonomically, watermelon pizza shares zero genetic material with actual pizza. It is a sliced watermelon topped with coconut yogurt, grapes, berries, and maple syrup. Cheese? No. Crust? No. Red sauce/olive oil/pesto? No. Its sole, tenuous connection to the genus pizza deliciousa is its circular shape and the appearance of “toppings,” which are just slices of fruit placed on top of a slice of watermelon. If anything, watermelon pizza is a constructed, perhaps post-modern fruit salad. But pizza, it is not.
AOL.com does not entirely shoulder the blame for such an abomination, however. Typing “watermelon pizza” into Getty Images, I figured it was a futile search. Who’d heard of such a dastardly besmirching of pizza’s good name? Other people, apparently. My search yielded no fewer than 747 results, including the one you see above. I, for one, will not let such pizza appropriate stand. I will, however, click on it.