Millennials are no strangers to exorbitant pricing on essential goods, such as coffee, therapy, and rent. But when airports start charging nearly $28 for a single beer, it’s hard not to think about what else that hard-earned money could be used for beyond a pint of Sam Adams.
Following last year’s incident in which a tweet went viral showing a menu listing for a $28 airport brew, New York has just announced a new cap on the surcharges that airports can apply to items beyond their regular “street pricing.” The hope is that travelers will no longer be price-gouged for basic amenities.
Which is good, because weary thirtysomethings have far more important things to spend their money on. In fact, for the price of one airport Sam Adams, Millennials can buy all sorts of nostalgic comfort foods to satiate them while traveling. The following snacks cost as much as one very average Summer Ale at LaGuardia.
- 112 Hi-C boxes: When TSA pulls you aside because you have 112 Hi-C boxes in your carry-on, simply explain to them that you weren’t aware the 3.4-oz rule applies to Poppin’ Pink Lemonade and Orange Lavaburst.
- 11 Lunchables: There are two types of people in this world: those who agree that the Extra Cheesy Pizza Lunchable reigns supreme and those who fly Spirit Airlines.
- 35 Packs of Dunkaroos: Upgrade your seat for free by bribing the flight attendants with one of your 35 Dunkaroo packs. Bonus points for dipping the cookie in the frosting like a regency coquette.
- 18 Little Hug Fruit Barrels: They’re called quarter waters, okay?! Sure, they burned your throat, drinking one somehow made you thirstier, and adulthood revealed they taste like straight-up chemicals—but it’s a welcome distraction from trying to find an outlet near your gate.
- 119 Fruit Roll-Ups: Prove you’re the hottest passenger at Gate H3 by absolutely coating your tongue in temporary tattoos. You’ll have to pull your mask down so people can actually see them, but that unrivaled chill factor is still totally worth the $28.
- 9 SpongeBob Popsicles: When a baby inevitably starts crying during the boarding process, just show them the waking nightmare that is SpongeBob’s horrifically semi-melted face with gumball eyes. Voila! Silence is
- 214 Totino’s Pizza Rolls: Unfortunately, most airports don’t have public microwaves for you to turn these innocuous pizza pockets into bundles of tongue-scalding heat. But as soon as you land at your destination, you can get the party started.
- 74 Cosmic Brownies: Maybe buying 74 Cosmic Brownies is an extreme reaction to never being allowed to eat them outside of sleepovers, but the electric thrill of a good deal is priceless.
- 448 Ice Breakers Sours: What is an airplane if not a flying school bus? We recommend busting these bad boys out in celebration when people start clapping because the plane landed as expected (remember: the “Many” slot is for you and the “One” slot is for everyone else).
While airports across the country figure out better ways to regulate baffling food and drink prices, you can rest easy knowing your ’90s kid self would be proud to see you traveling in such style.