This headline reads like an Onion headline, but like the most brilliant Onion headlines, it’s rooted in the damn truth. Earlier this week, a woman posted a photo collage to Reddit that documented seven years of photos of herself with the same tub of pineapple cottage from her office’s refrigerator. The tub of cheese expired on Sept. 17, 2012, almost seven years ago to the day. It’s still in the refrigerator.
We have to assume the cottage cheese became an office joke and couldn’t be thrown away—but still, that probably didn’t happen until 2014 or so, right? The cottage cheese is now presumably such a valued team member that it’s allowed to continue ruling its back-of-the-fridge fiefdom with nothing but deference and respect from the cleaning staff. That, or everyone’s just too afraid to toss it in the garbage, lest it spontaneously combust or become sentient.
The Takeout’s office, we’re proud to say, enforces a fridge-cleaning every other Friday. If you forget to remove your four-day-old chana masala or half-drank cold brew, sorry pal—them’s the rules. It’s the only way to avoid the tragedy of the commons so endemic to office refrigerators, and to ensure our dairy products don’t eventually develop consciousness and become our managers.