Given that the Fast & Furious franchise has already ripped through eight installments, with a spin-off due later this summer and a formal ninth entry coming in 2020, we’re at a point where the series has to strain to come up with fresh ideas. From hordes of remote-controlled cars to, uh, apparent superhumans, the F&F movies are digging for ways to up the ante. This morning, The Takeout humbly submits its own elevator pitch, ripped from the headlines: what if stolen cars, but with a 4-year-old behind the wheel?
Fox 9 in Minnesota tells the wild (and alarming) story of a boy named Sebastian, an everyday boy who jumped into his great-grandfather’s SUV and drove a mile and a half to a gas station for purposes of picking up some candy. The report notes that “Sebastian demonstrated how he pulled it off: Using great grandpa Roy’s walker to grab the keys from wall hooks, and when no one was watching, he bounded into the driver’s seat and took off.” Given that this took place at 8:30 in the morning, Sebastian passed through rush-hour traffic at around 10-15 miles per hour, before arriving at the store unharmed.
Luckily, nobody else was harmed either; a few mailboxes and a tree took hits, but otherwise, Sebastian’s joyride came and went without incident. As one officer on the scene observed, “I’ve never seen a driver this young before operating a vehicle.” Let that be a lesson to all the parents out there: Whatever you think your kid is capable of in a worst-case scenario, they could also steal your car and drive away in it.
And c’mon, just imagine that teaser poster. A glowering Dwayne Johnson, shoulder to shoulder with an equally glowering 4-year-old. Can’t be any sillier than a nuclear warhead being shoved across ice free-hand.