Drums, Flats, Or Boneless: Which Wing Is The All-Time Best?

As the Super Bowl approaches, a chicken wing frenzy is also on the horizon. As someone who doesn't give a flying chicken wing about football, I consider the platters of food synonymous with the Super Bowl to be its only saving grace.

But when your eyes meet that tray of wings, what do you prefer to pluck from the pile? There are the drumettes (already winning with a cute name like that), the flats, or the option to go boneless. Some people would take death over a "wing" without a bone, especially on Super Bowl Sunday, when wings are most sacred. Can't say I relate to those people, but I respect that they choose authenticity.

My personal ranking goes like this, from best to worst: boneless, drums, and then flats. Boneless is by far the best. You get straight to what you want, you can use a fork, and you don't end up having to discard a stack of bones with bits of meat you missed out on still stuck to them. Boneless is also your best bet at not ending up with saucy stains on your face, fingers, or clothes. Yes, I know that generally you should just accept the probability of getting messy when tucking into some saucy chicken wings, but if there's an equally delicious option not to, I'll take it.

The drums, or drumettes, are the next best option to boneless. They're easy to bite right into, and if there's enough meat on the bone, you could use a fork on them, too. You only have to work around a single bone in the center, and for the most part you can eat these clean. Plus, the meatier end makes for a great dipping side that you can dunk well once, allowing for the sauce to drip down. No double dipping here. If there has to be a bone in my chicken, this is the one I pick.

Finally, you've got the flats, which are just small pains in the ass. Tuck your napkin in and prepare to get messy, because this chicken wing leaves no room for laziness. You either have to snap some bones or gnaw at it like an animal to get the least payout on chicken of all three types. Why would I want to work harder for the food on my plate? Enjoying my snacks should be the easiest thing I do while being subjected to an entire football game.

That's where I stand. How about you?