The monks of Assumption Abbey have sold out of fruitcake!

Pope Francis smiles leaving an event
The pope told me y’all get an extra blessing this year
Photo: SOPA Images (Getty Images)

Last week, we published a feature on Assumption Abbey, a secluded Missouri monastery almost entirely funded by sales of old-school fruitcake. The monks spend most of the year meticulously crafting two-pound fruitcakes, which are then shipped to customers all over the world. In the article, I expressed mild concern about the state of the abbey’s finances in a COVID-19 world. And, although my source assured me that fruitcakes were flying off the shelves, my Doubting Thomas sensibilities nagged at me over the weekend.


Well, good commenters, you’ve done it again: after we published the article, at least 20 of you reached out to let me know you ordered an Assumption Abbey fruitcake. Friends in Brooklyn, Chicago, and everywhere in between hollered back to let me know they balled out on boozy cake. And now, as you can see on the abbey’s website, the monks are fresh outta cake for the year. “We are sold out of cakes,” the website reads. “All orders placed now will not be shipped until late January.” It’s a holiday miracle!

Illustration for article titled The monks of Assumption Abbey have sold out of fruitcake!
Screenshot: Lillian Stone

If you missed your chance to order directly from the Abbey, you can still order an Assumption Abbey cake from Williams-Sonoma (take heed that there’s a bit of a price markup) or Monks’ Bread, an online outlet for all kinds of Trappist-made products. If you’d rather wait to order directly from the abbey, you can place a backorder for delivery in late January or early February.

Staff writer @ The Takeout, joke writer elsewhere. Wrangling dogs and pork shoulder in Chicago.


Meanwhile, if you’re just really into the idea of ordering your desserts from monks, there are others!

As a Kentuckian, may I humbly suggest the bourbon-soaked wonder that is Gethsemani Farms? Fruit cakes and fudge with enough Jim Beam to sit ya down. (They say their last day for Christmas shipping is today, so get on it!)