We apologize for the Cap’n Crunch dad jokes that lie ahead

Illustration for article titled We apologize for the Cap’n Crunch dad jokes that lie ahead
Photo: Joseph Rene Briscoe (Getty Images)

We know him, we love (?) him: the eponymous Cap’n of Cap’n Crunch breakfast cereal. For decades, he’s encouraged us to throw his delectable products and alleged mistakes into our grocery carts. Now he’s encouraging us to send him all of our best/worst jokes in honor of National Tell A Joke Day on August 16. The Cap’n himself, we have been assured via press release, will be sharing his own dad-level crunchlines on Instagram, as if to assure us that we can do better. Which, when you read over the following, it seems like all of us surely can:

Illustration for article titled We apologize for the Cap’n Crunch dad jokes that lie ahead
Graphic: Cap’n Crunch/Quaker Oats Company
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Conch you think of better jokes for this promocean? Or will you draw a plank? Sea for yourselves. Shellfishly, I hope I win. (Ultimately, though, The Simpsons might have achieved nautical humor perfection in 1996 with “Call me back, Ishmael.” Or even earlier, with the first appearance of The Frying Dutchman restaurant in 1992.)

Marnie Shure is editor in chief of The Takeout.

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DISCUSSION

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Manic Otti

Why did the Cap’n get stranded at sea?

Because his entire crew died of covid-19 because he refused to wear a mask.

Am I doing this right?