Maybe Don't Drink 25 Cups Of Coffee A Day?

You've likely seen the tweets and accompanying story making the internet rounds this morning, headlined "Up to 25 cups of coffee a day safe for heart health, study finds." You may, like me, have even encountered the story while sipping your second mug of morning coffee. But before you run to pour yourself 23 more, let's take a moment to parse out what the study actually found.

Researchers from Queen Mary University Of London conducted a survey of more than 8,000 people in the U.K., and presented their findings at the British Cardiovascular Society Conference in Manchester. They concluded people who consume higher amounts of coffee—between three and 25 cups per day—showed no greater arterial stiffness than people who drank less than one cup. The researchers' takeaway is that increased coffee consumption "is not associated with having stiffer arteries."

That's hardly the only measure of heart health, though. Notably, there's no mention of effects on people's blood pressure from consuming an oil drum's worth of coffee.

"Whilst we can't prove a causal link in this study, our research indicates coffee isn't as bad for the arteries as previous studies would suggest," Queen Mary University's Kenneth Fung tells The Guardian.

That's a rather large leap from "isn't as bad for arteries as we thought" to "25 cups of coffee is totally fine for your heart." Even putting blood pressure aside, can you imagine how insufferable a person who drinks 25 cups of coffee a day would be to those around them? Jittery, twitchy, way too chatty while everyone else is just trying to start up their laptops—we can't socially recommend this much caffeine. And imagine the bathroom breaks it would necessitate! How would these people even get work done?