"Ballistic" woman takes baseball bat to Rally's windows over lack of chocolate ice cream

Illustration for article titled "Ballistic" woman takes baseball bat to Rally's windows over lack of chocolate ice cream
Photo: hdere (Getty Images)

Once in a while, everybody’s sweet tooth takes over. For one St. Louis woman, however, when satisfaction was denied to hers, she handled business the way one might when denied sugary satisfaction. With a baseball bat.

The Smoking Gun, drawing from a Metropolitan Police Department of St. Louis report, tells of a woman who, at 2:25 a.m., passed through a local Rally’s in search of chocolate ice cream. Chocolate, very specifically. Why must this be specified? Well:

Investigators say the woman went ballistic after Rally’s workers informed her they only had vanilla ice cream available. Upon learning that there was no chocolate ice cream in stock, she spit on employees and then set upon the business’s windows with a baseball bat.

It is unclear whether the woman entered Rally’s with a baseball bat or retrieved it from her car upon learning that no chocolate ice cream would be forthcoming.


The woman took the bat and shattered the windows while threatening the three employees on shift (who went otherwise unharmed), before fleeing the scene. Authorities are still searching for the woman as of this article’s publication.

While we here at The Takeout love some good ice cream as much as anybody, we’ve never found ourselves in that rare, baseball-bat kind of love with it, we have to say. But we also haven’t tried Rally’s chocolate soft serve, which the company promotes with unintended irony: “Chocolate lovers, this is going to hit you right in your cone zone.”

While we’re incredibly glad that the terrorized employees are as fine as one can be after witnessing such an event firsthand, we will also just toss out there that 30 Rockefeller Plaza might be a solid place to start looking:

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So this guy walks into a Rally’s and orders a chocolate ice cream cone. The employee says, “I’m sorry Sir, we’re out of chocolate. We only have vanilla and strawberry.”

“Ok then, I’ll have a chocolate sundae”
“Sir, I’m sorry, the cone wasn’t the issue, it was the lack of chocolate ice cream. I’d be happy to make a vanilla or strawberry Sundae for you”
“No thanks, I’ll just take a chocolate shake”

“Sir, we actually use fresh ice cream in our shakes, and since we are out of chocolate ice cream, I can’t make a chocolate shake”
“Fine, just give me some chocolate ice cream in a cup.”
“Let’s try this, Sir. Can you find the word ‘van’ in vanilla?”
“Of course, it’s right up front”
“Great. How bout the word ‘straw’ in strawberry?”

“Yes... right at the beginning again. These are easy.”

“Ok, how about ‘fuck’ in chocolate?”

“There is no ‘fuck’ in chocolate.”