Man steals Pepsi truck (just trust us on this one)

Illustration for article titled Man steals Pepsi truck (just trust us on this one)
Photo: Roman Tiraspolsky (Getty Images)

Steven Hart, 45, has been arrested on several charges, including larceny of a vehicle. Here is what happened, step by step, according to The Wichita Eagle. Consider this an elevator pitch for a new sequel to one of the world’s greatest action movies, the immortal classic Speed:

  • A man (Hart) allegedly stole a Pepsi semi-truck from a Tulsa, Oklahoma parking lot at 8:30 a.m. on Tuesday.
  • The Pepsi semi-truck was full of Pepsi.
  • It was also full of its rightful driver, who was in the process of unloading the truck at the time.
  • “The back of the truck was still open, and the lift was down,” according to Officer Jeanne Pierce.
  • The rightful driver jumped out of the truck when it started to move.
  • Said driver called the police to report the theft.
  • As another officer put it to NewsOn6, “He was just slinging soda pop through every intersection he blazed through.”
  • They chased him for half an hour.
  • At least one officer said authorities were simply “following the trail of soda.”
  • The truck headed for the interstate, bottles of Pepsi sailing in his wake.
  • He exited the interstate and got stuck in traffic.
  • Officers attempted to arrest him by climbing into the cab of the truck.
  • Hart allegedly exited the cab on the other side, without turning off or parking the truck.
  • It rear-ended a school bus.
  • (The kids are fine.)
  • Hart was arrested and taken to the county jail, to be booked on “suspicion of larceny of an automobile, eluding, and a failure to stop traffic violation.” (The Wichita Eagle)
  • Apparently, jail wasn’t for him.
  • “Hart allegedly tried to escape from the jail intake area through the sally port, two sets of locked doors between the booking and pre-booking areas of the jail.” (Tulsa World)
  • When that didn’t work, per the booking report, he tried to seal himself in the sally port.
  • (Why? How could that help?)
  • He was then brought to a cell at taser-point.
  • He is being held in lieu of a $26,000 bond.
  • Apparently, he just wanted to get to the airport.

Cast Stephen Root and call it a day. We’ll make so much money.

Contributor, The A.V. Club and The Takeout. Allison loves TV, bourbon, and overanalyzing social interactions. Please buy her book, How TV Can Make You Smarter (Chronicle, 2020). It’s short!

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DISCUSSION

All he wanted was a Pepsi truck! Just one Pepsi truck! And they wouldn’t give it to him.

I think I know what the end result of this will be.