Dildo Brewing Company Opens For Business

The town of Dildo in the Canadian province of Newfoundland shares the plight of Intercourse, Pennsylvania, and Butternuts, New York. But the owners of Dildo Brewing Co., which opens today, embraced the uh, singularity of their location, and didn't shy away from naming their brewery for its municipality.

The CBC reports the brewery owners will unveil the brewery—which also incorporates the Dildo Museum in the same building—and its beer names today. The brewery's Facebook page shows a lineup of four beers to start: Blonde Roots 80, a blonde ale; Red Rocks Ale, an Irish Red brewed with beets; I'se da bye PA, an IPA; and—drumroll please—Stout Dildo, an Irish Stout.

All jokes aside (we'll get to those later, I promise), the move to name the brewery after the town of Dildo is perhaps a practical one. There are 817 breweries operating in Canada in 2017, which pales in comparison to the more than 6,500 in the U.S. But even across national lines, breweries are discouraged from christening their brewery with the same or similar name to another brewery. Cease and desist letters can turn into lawsuits, which (even if they're unsuccessful) are a pain to slog through. Better to find a unique trademark that no other brewery would fight you for. Like Dildo! Also, think of all the branded shirts and growlers the brewery will sell.

I promised to limit myself to one joke in this story*, so here goes: Would it be a compliment if customers told the brewery its beer tasted like dick?

*Mom, I know you read this site and I'm so sorry.