5 Ways To Make A Grown-Up Bologna Sandwich

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If the phrase "bologna sandwich" makes you want to say "ewww, no," you're not alone. I ate plenty of bologna back in elementary school when my mom would pack me a lunch, and I was never, ever excited to see these sandwiches. In fact, I viewed them more as punishment than sustenance. That is, until years later when I finally grasped the economics of raising four kids on a limited budget. Well, now that food prices are soaring and salaries are not, perhaps it's time we all took a second look at bologna sandwiches. This time around, though, we're going to see if we can't doctor them up a bit so they are something even us grown-ups won't mind eating.

The typical bologna (or baloney) sandwich is served on squishy white bread — Wonder or something similar — with a thick slathering of mayonnaise. (To give my mom credit, she always used firmer bread and went with mustard instead of mayo.) Still, there's a lot more that can be done to improve the flavor of this bland sandwich, ranging from cooking the meat (no, you don't need to eat it cold) to using it alongside different sandwich fixings (we're not talking a single slice of American cheese). You can even experiment with different types of bologna (yes, these do exist).

My first revelation regarding bologna came as a young adult when I tried it fried. It tasted just like a hot dog! Well, a very thin, crispy one — kind of a smashdog, if you will. Fried bologna sandwiches are usually seen as a Southern thing with Arkansas claiming them as a regional specialty. Still, they seem like something people all over the United States could have discovered independently.

To make a basic fried bologna sandwich, all you need to do is heat the lunchmeat in a pan. There's no need for any oil or butter since you're essentially pan-grilling it. Toasting the bread is optional, as is the addition of any condiments or cheese. If you want to make fried bologna sandwiches a la Snoop Dogg, then you not only need to top your sandwich with melted American cheese but also with Lay's barbecue chips and yellow mustard.

For a truly gourmet fried bologna experience, there's always The Takeout's chicken-fried bologna sandwich recipe. To make it, you'll need to grab an extra-thick slab of bologna and coat it in a floury batter before deep frying it. You should top this sandwich with American cheese and mayonnaise.

Sliced bologna, if unheated, has a flavor that can best be described as neutral. As the star of a sandwich, it's nothing special, but it does tend to adapt well to its surroundings. For this reason, it can make a pretty decent low-budget substitute for one of the meats that are used in a club sandwich.

If your idea of a club sandwich involves a layer of turkey and another of ham, bologna can easily be swapped in for the ham. Should you be envisioning bacon in place of ham, fried bologna will make for a different, yet equally crunchy, moreish ingredient. And, if you are one of those people who feels that cheese belongs on a club sandwich, by all means, try something other than American! Bologna deserves a chance to be paired up with Swiss or cheddar. These cheeses, and others like them, will elevate both the bologna and the club sandwich's flavors no end.

The second time I encountered elevated bologna in my life came when I saw it being used to wrap hot dogs. It turns out there's a regional specialty called the Baltimore bologna dog. To make this delicacy, fry the bologna, cook the hotdog, and wrap the latter in the former before placing the entire thing inside a hot dog bun. (You can also just pop the fried bologna on top of the hot dog.) As I already pointed out, fried bologna tastes pretty much like a hotdog (the reason being, hotdogs and bologna are essentially the same thing), meaning you won't gain much in terms of taste. Still, this sandwich boasts double the meaty goodness while still having plenty of room for mustard, so I wouldn't complain.

Bologna can also be used as a burger topping, although once again, you'll need to fry it first for maximum flavor. To pay homage to fried bologna's Southern roots, slather on some pimento cheese or Duke's mayonnaise. You could also go in an entirely different direction by embellishing your bologna burger with kimchi and sriracha.

One step up from fried bologna, because it requires a somewhat specialized ingredient, is barbecued bologna. This ingredient — slab bologna — was previously introduced (it's necessary for making the chicken-fried bologna recipe). You should be able to buy it at the supermarket deli counter where they have whole bolognas. For barbecuing purposes, have them cut a few slices, each a ½ inch thick. You can also cut the bologna yourself if you find a whole chub of bologna available for purchase.

Sear your bologna slices on a grill (or, for indoor use, in a grill pan or frying pan) until they're browned on each side. Brush the bologna with barbecue sauce as it cooks, then serve it on hamburger buns with additional barbecue sauce. While you could add sliced cheese, it's really not necessary. Instead, try topping the barbecued bologna with a scoop of tangy coleslaw before stuffing it all inside a bun.

If the whole point of you eating bologna is to save a few bucks, "buy better bologna" is probably not the advice you're looking for. However, if you simply happen to enjoy bologna sandwiches and would like to experience them at their finest, then it may well be worth searching out the best of the best. For standard sliced bologna that's a cut above the rest, a quality brand such as deli counter staple Boar's Head may do. A different style of bologna altogether, however, could give your sandwich a whole new lease of life.

The original bologna, which actually comes from Italy, is a sausage known as mortadella. It is made from seasoned pork shoulder mixed with neck fat. German bologna, which is also known as fleischwurst, includes a mixture of beef and pork along with spices such as cardamom, coriander, ginger, and pepper. Either of these traditional options can be used to create a bologna sandwich that's packed with flavor.

It's worth seeking out Lebanon bologna (which is not your average sausage). This Pennsylvania Dutch product, which is made with beef, sugar, and spices, is kind of like a smokier summer sausage, although there's also a sweet version. Although Lebanon bologna may not be easy to find in stores outside Pennsylvania, this shelf-stable product can always be purchased on Amazon. Currently, a four-pack of Seltzer's sliced Lebanon Bologna is selling for $47.90. While somewhat expensive, this product can be used to make a wonderful bologna sandwich.