Why Milk Doesn't Belong Anywhere Near Cereal

Every once in a while, we at The Takeout gather around the virtual water cooler and chat about food-related topics. Recently up for discussion was the correct ratio of milk to cereal, which was something no one seemed to have a strong opinion about. No one but me, that is, as I offered up the radical take that the proper proportion was 100% cereal to 0% milk.

I'm aware that this is an unpopular opinion. In fact, a Redditor posting in r/unpopularopinion a few years back expressed it using pretty much the exact same words I chose: "I think cereal with milk is gross." Yes, cereal commercials all seem to show everyone from sugar-crazed kids to health-conscious adults gleefully pouring milk into their cereal bowls. For me, however, just the thought of cereal mixed with milk triggers a warning siren in my brain that sounds "Mushy food alert! Mushy food alert! Gag reflex on standby!"

My hatred of cereal with milk dates all the way back to my childhood. I always, always ate my cereal dry on the occasions I was forced to eat it at all, since I was indifferent at best to the stuff. This is probably why I never bought into the whole nostalgic "Let's put Fruity Pebbles on doughnuts and mix Lucky Charms into ice cream!" trend, although, tbh, my childhood was largely free of any cereals more sugary than Frosted Mini Wheats. What really makes me shudder, though, is the thought of cereal milk-flavored anything ... ugh. For me, the phrase "delicious cereal milk" is as oxymoronic as "ambrosial alligator poop."

We all have our food issues, and mine is mushiness. Maybe if you manage to scarf down your milky cereal in seconds, it might not have time to get too soggy, but just the mere thought that it might is enough to give me the heebie-jeebies. While cereal and milk is one of my biggest gross-outs, it's not the only one, since I also dislike biscuits and gravy (whether sweet or savory) for much the same reason, nor do I care for soggy sandwiches like the French dip. The thought of butter melting on toast gives me the ick as well, so I prefer to eat both my toast and my cereal dry.

Scientists have studied what makes people instinctively hate certain food textures, but surprise, surprise, there's no one-size-fits-all answer. One of the theories they've put forth is that it's evolutionary — mushiness might have been a sign that food was spoiled back in pre-refrigeration days, so a disinclination to eat mushy foods was a survival measure. I don't think that's what's going on with me, though, since I wantonly eat foods that are way past their use-by date all the time and think nothing of trimming the mold from soft cheese.

Another theory is that super-tasters are more food texture-sensitive. Although I'm not sure I fit into this category, I do have a strong aversion to bitter foods of all kinds (and no interest whatsoever in learning to like the hated flavor). Still, if I was a supertaster, you'd think that extra-chewy foods would be more overwhelming than mushy ones, and I have no problem whatsoever gnawing on tough beef jerky. My best guess as to what's going on deep in my mush-hating psyche is that the thought of cereal disintegrating in a bowl of milk is like a sneak preview of what happens to all foods when they come in contact with saliva and stomach acid. Thinking about the digestive process is enough to put anyone off eating, so I prefer stuff that doesn't remind me of the inevitable fate of all foodkind.

Those of us who prefer cereal dry are certainly in the minority, so much so that surveys aren't even sure how to account for us. According to data compiled by CivicScience in 2023, 71% of people eat cereal with dairy milk, while 9% like plant milk, another 9% are eating an alread-wet cereal like oatmeal, and 3% eat cereal with yogurt (going to hazard a guess it's granola). Dry cereal eaters aren't acknowledged at all, but merely rolled into an umbrella category of "other" which includes the 8% of cereal eaters who might also pour coffee, orange juice, or water into their bowls. A 2019 survey by Shopkick (as reported by Bakery & Snacks) does account for 6% of people who eat dry cereal, but says they do so as an afternoon snack.

The media may not have much time for us, but we know we're out there. Quite a few Redditors admit to the practice (although mostly on the aforementioned r/unpopular opinions sub), as do some Facebook users as well as people on venues as disparate as Comic Vine and MLP [My Little Pony] Forums. Many of them cite similar reasons to my own — milk + cereal = yucky mush. I'm proud to take my place among these right-thinking netizens, especially the comic geeks, bronies, and pegasisters. Dry cereal may not be for everyone, but iykyk, right? (Well, no, since that phrase actually makes no sense, but I figured this was my one and only chance to use it.)