If we’ve learned anything about running a restaurant in 2018, it’s 1) stop serving plastic straws because if you do you’re the captain of the Exxon Valdez, and 2) any politician dining in your establishment is liable to throw your restaurant into the partisan fray.

Restaurants are theoretically safe places where you can enjoy your chicken chimichangas in peace. But as part of a growing national trend, they have become—if you’re involved in politics—a place where those who oppose your viewpoints can confront you or refuse you service.

Scott Pruitt likes protein bars. That’s one of a few little nuggets we learned today from this report in The Daily Beast, which alleges that the embattled EPA administrator regularly sends staffers out to pick up snacks—that is, when they weren’t trying to help his wife get an in at Chik-Fil-A, picking up used Trump…

Whatever your political affiliation, the United States isn’t so united right now. We live in an us-vs.-them society, where every issue must be assigned a victor and a loser. We revel in beating the other team. We’re distrustful of one another. We no longer invite over friends who voted for Trump. We no longer invite…

Question: Is it possible that this news story turned me into a Republican?

It’s been a big day for crab news, so let’s get into the crab news, shall we? First up in crab news:

Israeli chef Segev Moshe is getting kicked around on the internet and in the press over what might be a pretty significant faux pas: serving dessert to the Japanese Prime Minister in a metal shoe. You might say he really stepped in it.

Former Presidential candidate, former Governor of Massachusetts, and former failed Senate candidate Mitt Romney is running for Senate again, this time in Utah. In doing so, he’s once again gracing the campaign trail to serenade voters with the Baha Men hit “Who Let The Dogs Out,” binders full of women in hand. Why,…

Manhattan judge Justice David Cohen has ruled that bar owners can go ahead and feel free to kick Trump supporters the hell out of their watering holes. The reason: no, liking Trump is not a religion, which some MAGA-hat-wearing guy’s lawyer tried to argue.

This is a dark time, so when one finds a reason to celebrate, one should seize the fuckin’ day. That’s what led me to spend some time this morning falling into an internet research wormhole, because if Paul Ryan has decided to GTFO, then gosh darn it, I’m going to toast that asshole’s exit. A quick Google session…

Illinois Gov. Bruce Rauner is on the receiving end of many Twitter wedgies today, after a clip surfaced of him drinking chocolate milk on stage and proclaiming “diversity!”