Every day is a stinkin’ day now. Let’s pick a date at random: May 12. According to NationalToday.com, May 12 is National Limerick Day and World Migratory Bird Day. How about August 4? National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day, National Mustard Day, and U.S. Coast Guard Birthday. Today is International Day For Tolerance,…

Back in February, McDonald’s announced that by 2020, at least half of its Happy Meals offered around the world would come in under 600 calories, with only 10 percent of those calories coming from fat. (That’s already true of all U.S. Happy Meals.) The move led the chain to nix cheeseburgers from its Happy Meals,…

Those of you who have endured the arduous process of lifting the top bun off your roast beef sandwich, placing curly fries on top of the meat, and then returning the bun to its place—you’ll suffer no more. Arby’s has introduced the Arbynator, a limited-time sandwich with curly fries inside, which the chain is billing…

Ahem:

A onetime deputy of the El Paso County Sheriff’s Department (Colorado, not Texas) has been sentenced to six years in prison. His crime: Smuggling methamphetamine into jail. His method: Hide it in mashed potato substance.

So, get a load of this jerk.

Chick-fil-A, the extremely popular fast-food chain, creator of our favorite fast-food sauce, and slinger of cult-status waffle fries, now delivers nationwide. That means you, Takeout reader, could be lounging shirtless on your cat-hair-covered couch, digging into a Spicy Chicken Deluxe—with waffle fries,…

This is not the first time we’ve run a story about a senior celebrating a birthday at Taco Bell, and god willing, it will not be the last. We love ‘em. Can’t resist ‘em. Give us all your wonderful stories about centenarians getting tables all decorated for them at their favorite fast food chain, we will read and love…

No, this Chick-fil-A trick won’t change your life, but as far as fast-food hacks go, it’s pretty solid. (It actually made me say “whoa” out loud at my screen.) Here’s how the “hack” works: Like other fast-food paper boxes, Chick-Fil-A’s nugget vessels have a small, round hole in them. Its true purpose, my instinct…

Last week, Joseph Carney of Kingston, New York bought some Burger King. Upon opening his Philly King burger, he says, he discovered an undesirable condiment: a cockroach. Gross! Terrible! Nightmare! But Burger King has something to say on the matter, and it can be summarized thus: “Yeah, that’s a total load of crap,…

Should the thought, “Man, I wish my next visit to Taco Bell could be just a skosh more ironic and/or exclusive and/or include balloons” ever have occurred to you, then boy oh boy, you are precisely the target audience for this news. Taco Bell today announced a pilot program for “PARTY by Taco Bell,” which a…

We’ve read and reread this offer, just to make sure we’re getting it correctly. Some of us are sleep-deprived, and some of us are prone to optimistic thinking, and the combination can be a heady one. But on review, we’re forced to conclude that it is what it seems: A $2 tag for your keychain gets you one free Jr.…

Need a job? You might be able to get some free Nacho Fries out of it—or put another way, if you need some Nacho Fries, they could potentially come with a piping-hot side of bright yellow, slightly gelatinous employment.

Does “fresh-not-frozen” meat actually make a fast-food sandwich taste better, or is this all marketing hype? Our reassessment of McDonald’s Quarter Pounder With Cheese indicates that yes, yes it does: “The fresh beef patty seemed to retain more moisture, with a creamier texture than the meat strands-like interior of…

Clap it up for Princess, an Oklahoma City dog and true outside-the-box thinker. Rather than just dreaming of a world in which she noms all night on McDonald’s hamburgers, Princess went out and made it happen.

Okay Popeye’s, you got me. I saw your press release introducing a “12-hour drive-thru,” and I was intrigued. I know that’s what you wanted, so congratulations. It worked. I clicked. I’m even writing about it. But I am doing so while acknowledging that this is a 100-percent, bona fide, through-to-its-core publicity…

Perhaps you parents out there noticed your regular McDonald’s order suddenly cost a couple extra bucks. QSR Magazine reports the fast-food chain quietly removed Happy Meals from its $1, $2, $3 value menu, making a $3 Happy Meal a thing of the past. A Happy Meal now costs, on average, about 25 percent more.

There’s a hopefully happy end to this story: 50 turtles discovered in a Burger King parking lot were quickly adopted from Richmond Animal Care And Control. A vendor selling them there was doing so illegally, because they were technically too young to be purchased.

Welcome to I’ll See You In Courts, a semi-regular meditation on food court cuisine.

Credit where credit is due: Arby’s in recent years has turned to sandwiches with “exotic-to-Americans” meats, not because it’s popular to the masses, but because they have the meats and couldn’t give two shits if you object. Who would roll out a venison sandwich nationwide, much less an elk sandwich? What’s next? A…