By now we are as well versed in Game Of Thrones beer as some are in the fantasy series itself, with Brewery Ommegang continuing to release new editions of tie-in beverages at a rate that has surely left George R.R. Martin jealous, wondering why he can’t just write beers instead of books. So for this fourth chapter of the “A.V. Club Drinks Game Of Thrones Beer” saga—following our previous encounters with Iron Throne Blonde Ale, Take The Black Stout, and Fire And Blood Red Ale—we thought we’d change it up by pitting the new Valar Morghulis Dubbel Ale against Iron Maiden’s Trooper Ale, to see which of these beers was more “metal.” It would be a contest whose rules are confusing and seemingly arbitrary, much like the Game Of Thrones itself.

Anyway, as so often happens on Game Of Thrones, Josh Modell threw a surprise wrench into our plans by also bringing in a bottle of Beer Thousand, Dogfish’s new lager inspired by oft-lacquered indie-rock band Guided By Voices—a group that is decidedly not metal. So we had to change it into a contest over which beer “rocks” the most, which Josh, Marah Eakin, and Sean O’Neal decided by drinking each of them, and then sort of vaguely debating it and some other things, and then drinking some more. Indeed, it’s just as the High Valyrian phrase “Valar morghulis” says: All men must drink beer and then whatever.

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In the end, which beer was deemed to “rock” the most? The rich, spicy brew from Westeros? The malty golden ale that Bruce Dickinson may have nodded approvingly at once? Or the hoppy, high-alcohol-content lager that Robert Pollard would barely even notice drinking at a GBV show? We know how you hate even the most loosely related of Game Of Thrones spoilers, so you’ll have to watch the video to find out.

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